You just returned home...
Three to four paragraphs - 5th grade style - make it intriguing -
—the only problem is, your front door is wide open, all your lights are on and there's a sword stuck in the ceiling. The rest of your house looks normal, but you also notice several holes dug in your backyard. What's going on?
This is due by Thursday - September 22nd - so it needs to be posted by Wednesday evening - September 21st -
your final draft and edited finalized copy - neat will be in your writing portfolio - all set to go -
Your Title - and by line - first name, last initial - this is a Creative Writing Piece ... its your own creation.
The Disastrous Day
ReplyDeleteBy:Bryndal
The day started out long and boring I had just got home from school I was riding my horse. When I was done riding my horse I put him in the barn but what I did not know was that I forgot to close the barn door.
I had to leave for my piano lesson so my sister and dad were the only ones at the house. Then they left to get ice cream. My sister forgot to turn of the lights. So after they had left my horse got out of the barn and busted open the door. My horse kicked my moms antic pirate statue and the sword flew in air and got stuck in the ceiling. Then my horse freaked out because the sword scared him.
The my horse went outside and started rolling around in the grass. Then when he got up he started leaving hoof prints in the yard that looked like holes. Then when we got home we saw a sword in the and all the lights on. Then when we went outside and we wondered why the door was wide open and there were holes everywhere. Then I saw my in the yard eating grass so I led him back to the barn and made sure I closed the barn door.
The Green Sword in the Ceiling
ReplyDeleteBy Rees G.
I was at my friend's house and when I came home i was shocked. There was a green sword in the ceiling. I brought out a ladder and tried to get it out. That was a huge fail because i fell of the ladder. I started to unlock the door and it was open and i was really confused.
I started to run into my backyard and I saw something more crazy. There were 569 big holes in my grassy backyard. There was no way to fix that. I started running upstairs and saw something crazy. There was someone eating potato chips on my red and black couch.
I asked him to leave and he said "no". Then i remembered I was part of the Police force and i had my suit on underneath my regular clothes. I ripped off the regular clothes and he said " don't arrest me", then I said "too late man." I put the handcuffs on him and put him on the cop car. He started kicking the seats and screaming like a two year old, then I said "if you don't stop you will be in jail for the rest of your life." Nobody has heard from him since that day because he has been in jail.
I like how you were two people at once with one voice. I also like how you spaces out the sentences each paragraph. Maybe next time you could check your work because you have a couple of lower case "i"s. -Faith
DeleteHi Rees this is Holden what I liked about your story was when you arrested that fat guy on your couch.
DeleteThank you rees I really like all of the detail you put in it. Maybe next time you could put a upper case I instead of a lower case I. -Bryndal
DeleteMAGIC
ReplyDeleteby: Shaylee s.
One morning I came come from the grocery store. I had to get dog food. Anyway when I was driving up the walk way I saw that my door was wide open. When I walked in all of my lights were on but everything looks okay.
Until I looked up their was a sword in my ceiling. What on earth is happening. Then I went outside to check on my dog patti. Patti is dark brown with white dots all around her and she has bright blue eyes like a husky. When I went outside I shrunk. I looked down and I was in a hole.
Holy rabies. I got out of the hole and looked for patti. I found her in a hole. She wasn't injured though but she was very dusty. I went to check on my surveillance camera and my gardener did the holes. I have no clue who did the sword in the ceiling though. I guess it was MAGIC.
this is atticus
DeleteGood story but you forgot to capitalized the P in Patti
Hay, so i like your story, but maybe add on to it a little more, but over all your plot was grate.
DeleteHey Shaylee I like your story cause your title MAGIC is awesome. It was very funny when you said "HOLY RABIES". You forgot to capitalize the P in Patti and that is all A+++++++.-Natalie
DeleteOne day i went down stares to see that there was a sword in my ceiling, and holes in my backyard. Then i tryed to pull it out, but my house and me was pixleated. I saw knowone and did not know what happend.
ReplyDeleteI walked around and i saw a pizza place, and a room that looks like mindcraft? I think i knew that was going on. That sword must of came out of a dicital world. And the holes were other swords. So sintificly i found i new demencion with viteogames.
I also saw Steven and he dident know what was going on ether. I told him and he said to get out of here we need to find someone outside of this world, like a youtuber playing a viteogame. So i told him Marckiplyer was makeing a five nights at Fredys game, but i was not going to die for that.
So we finally fond a person. Pewdipie was playing midcraft so lets go get him, but then Atticis in the mindcraft room. We told him are plan so he new were Pewdipie was. When we found Pewdiepie he said he would help us if we beat him in Pokemon.
I told him i would subscribe to his chanel if he got me out naw and he did. We got home and did the right thing, left to the moon and blowed up Earth. Then we got DNA and made more cool pepole. THE END
Hi this is Breezy. I like that you put Minncraft in your story. I also like that you put peoples names from class in your story. One thing I saw that you could fix is you did not capitalize your I's.-Breezy
Deleteit is atticus good story i think you spell midcraft like this mincraft
DeleteHi Luwe this is Holden what I liked about your story was when you added Minecraft to your story. You could of capitalized The I at the beginning of your story
DeleteHello Johnny, I like the story line. I did notice several small I's that should of been capitol. I think you spelled stairs wrong in the first question.
DeleteHEY Johnny it's NATALIE, I like your story because you put minecraft! I also liked the part when you meet or see Steven,one thing who is Marckiplyer, don't you mean, Markiplier? BYE-BYE
Delete
ReplyDeleteThe Pirate Sword
By Kaisha H
When I return home I found a sword in the ceiling in the living room. I scream so loud that my glasses almost broke. I found an eyepatch, parrot and a few holes in the ground in the backyard. In the backyard I found a map with a “X” on it.
I got on to a chair and took the sword out of the ceiling. I found a pirate girl eating Twinkies on the couch. “Hi!”, said I. “Hello”, said the pirate girl. What’s your name?”, I ask. “My name is Pirate Kitty. What’s yours?” “Strange but ok, my name is Kristina. I said. Pirate Kitty and I talk for a while.
“I like your sword.” “Thanks. Do you know what, I will give you my sword and 200 pieces of gold.” said Pirate Kitty. “Really!?” “Yep, there you go.” “Thanks!”, I said happily. Pirate Kitty are you a good seamstress?” I ask Pirate Kitty. “Sure, why?” Pirate Kitty ask. “Maybe can you make a pirate outfit like yours?” “Of course.” Pirate Kitty said happily. A few minutes later it was done and I tried it on and I was so happy I meet Pirate Kitty.
Nice job kittens but maybe say what kind of be more detail about the pirate
DeleteKittens I like how you said that you screamed so loud your glasses almost broke. I also like that you wanted a outfit like hers it was a little funny. I think you could of put in the first paragraph instead of " I found an eyepatch, parrot and a few holes in the ground in the backyard. in the backyard I found a map with a "X" on it" I think you could of but " I found an eyepatch, parrot and a few holes in the backyard and I found a map with a "X" on it".
DeleteBy Cody
Hi Kittens I really love your story I love the cat. But I think you should tell us what your pirate outfit looks like. And I really love how nice you were to pirate kitty.
DeleteHi its Arthur I really like how yours is pirate themed. I like how the pirate actually speaks to you. You need to describe what the sword looks like, douse the sword have a golden handle.
DeleteHi Kaisha I like how you said it was a Pirate KITTY, I like that it was pirate theme but why couldn't be a pirate fox???----------------> NATALIE.
DeleteOne day I was skipping home from school and when I approached my house I saw that all of the lights were on but no one was home. Then I found the door wide open, I found that all of my family was out for dinner. When I walked in I screamed like my arm was cut off! There was a sword in my ceiling! I almost passed out.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! You'll never guess what happened next! Go on guess. So I walked into my backyard, and once again I screamed like my arm was cut off! There were 911 holes in my yard! But you know what the weird thing is? The date is 9/11/16.
Someone is trying to terrify me. Well I know one thing I never get scared. Well, maybe just this once....ahhhhhh!
Hey Niffer I like how you said " when I walked in I screamed like my arm was cut off" I could picture your arm being cut of and I also liked how you said " go on guess " it was funny. But one thing you could of done is added a little more detail after you put " ahhhhhh ". By Cody
DeleteI like how you said that you were skipping home from school. I can see you just skipping happily to your house. But I think you can maybe add a title and a byline maybe
DeleteDear Niffer,
DeleteI like how you said that there were 911 holes in the ground and that the story took place on 9/11/16. I also like the dialog in the story. I think you sould add some quotation marks when the characters are talking and add a title and byline next time. It is truly a great story.
from: Livie
A day of Undertale
ReplyDeleteBy:Elizabeth.J
"Don't look so blue dearie I think purple is a better look on you" - Muffet
I just returned home when I notice a turquoise crystal sword in the ceiling so I took it out.
When I did it monsters were standing in front of me.
Two goats a girl and a boy the boy looked like a king.
A fish with red hair and a eye patch.A lizard with glasses and a lab coat.
Two skeletons a tall one with a red scarf and the other is short with a blue coat.
"Greetings human it is I the great Papyurs" the tall skeleton said.
He introduced me to everyone.The two goats Asgore and Toriel. The fish Undyne and
the lizard is Alphys. His brother Sans is the short skeleton.
We spent a hour or two talking with them. We watched
Mew mew kissy cutie a tv show that Alphys showed us.Everyone seemed to enjoyed it Sans fell asleep during
the show.Papyrus is now yelling at him Sans you lazy bones wake up!
He didn't wake up .I decided to go to bed myself it was late.
When I woke up I found the same sword in the same spot on the ceiling.On it there was a note on the sword "See you soon".
Hey Elizabeth I like your comment from Muffet And I like how everything was UNDERTALE;)How did you take out the crystal sword so quickly??FROM NATALIE;)
DeleteThe Mystery By: Natalie G. Introduction
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a weird not true story, The house owner "Natalie" was coming back from a 50 day vacation in Canada. Nothing happened for 30 days. Natalie was a bit worried, but she forgot she had a security camera on her phone. She would check everyday, until she went to a restaurant and forgot her phone, she did not check for a whole night. You will read more in the body paragraph.
-TO BE CONTINUED
I checked my phone after dinner at the restaurant, nothing was there that was the 31st night. All of a sudden you can hear the door bust open, then there was a KNIGHT!! The Knight took a rock and broke every camera so Natalie can't see her camera. Natalie wanted to go home, but she had to wait until the 50th day . Then the knight check Natalie's computer just to see where Natalie is going on her calender.
Why is the night in your house for a question but I do like the mystery behind it.
DeleteI like how you told us how the sword got in the ceiling.
DeleteI like how you told us what happened to the owner.Maybe you could put all the parts together.- Elizabeth
I think you could make your story into one comment instead of multiple comments. I like how you used multiple points of view. From Rees.
DeleteHi Nataile I liked your story my favorite part is the mystery. But I think you should say what the night looked like. You did a really nice job on the story I liked the knight twist.
DeleteHay, so i think you shouldn't capitlize K, in knight, but over all i really like were this story is going, so add to it a little, and i like the words your yousing like restaurant.
DeleteTHE HOUSE DOG
ReplyDeleteBY:FAITH F.
I was just coming home from my friends house. When I pulled up in the driveway I saw my front door was wide open. I walked in and all the lights were on and there was a sword stuck in my ceiling. I looked in my backyard and there was 326 holes in my backyard. my dog was sitting in the kitchen covered in mud.
I told him bad dog and he stayed outside until I got the bathtub ready for him. I couldn't drag him threw the house or my house would get all dirt. So I put him in a wagon and pushed him in the bathtub. I washed him and then I put him back in my room, so he wouldn't get into anymore trouble. Now I can go and turn all the lights off and get the sword out of my ceiling.
I went into the garage to get my ladder but my dog was in the garage. I put my dog back in my room and then I went back to the garage to get my ladder and bring it to the sword.The sword had no name on it, so when I finally got it out I went and donated it because I didn't want it. When I went to put my ladder away, I found my dog [again] in the garage I put him back in my room [again]. When I went to bed that night he was not there and I never saw him again. THE END
The Animal Sword
ReplyDeleteBy: Daniela D.
I went to Albertson's to get eggs and milk. First,Ben the owl guided the animals to the house.Then,the cow broke down the door. Next,the bull broke the glass case the sword was in. After, that Bob the monkey grabbed the sword. Then, he tried to bury it by digging holes.But he ran out of time.
Bob threw the sword up. The sword stuck to the ceiling. They where so relived when the sword didn't fall on them. But they had to hurry out of the house.
The animals tried to find the door to outside. After a long search Jerry the mouse found it. The animals ran to get to the door. The bull accidently hit the lights on. Jerry was crushed. So, he went through the doggy door. But, they couldn't get out because the door was closed.So, the cow pushed it open. Then, all the animals got out. Then, I came home and screamed because my house was a mess but luckily I have security cameras on so now I can see what happend.
I like how you did the First, Next , Then sentences. I like how you used different characters in the story. Maybe next time you could use a direct word instead of " but " in the second paragraph.
DeleteI really like your title because it sounds really cool. From Rees
DeleteI like how you gave all the animals names and I also like how you discribed the whole entire story in the first paragraph then you started the story you could also descried how many holes bob the monkey made hundreds or maybe billons.
DeleteTotal Chaos
ReplyDeleteBy: Delani D.
It was just a normal boring day when I got on the bus to go home from school. Until I got home. In my driveway, I noticed that our door was wide open and the porch lights were on. When I got inside I realized that my dog was digging holes in my backyard and my brother's fencing instructor was trying to pull his sword out of the roof. When my mom got home she explained everything.
Mom said that it all started when my little brother left our dog's cage door open. My brother was in the middle of his fencing lesson and the dog thought that the instructor was trying to hurt my brother. He ran out of his cage and he chased the instructor all around the house. The dog bit his heels and it made him throw his sword in the air and it went right through the roof. Mom said that suddenly the door bell rang. It was the neighbor and they needed my mom to watch their toddler while they took their daughter to the hospital because she broke her wrist. In the rush, my mom bumped into the porch light switch and left the door wide open. My dog ran into the yard trying to find the bone he had buried.
After mom stopped explaining my brother's instructor left. I went outside, got my dog and put him in his cage. I got a call from my neighbor thanking my mom for the help. I got my homework done and then I went to bed. What a day!
I loved how you added lots of detail like my brother left the dogs cage door open instead of the door is left open. I also liked how you put the correct punctuation and the correct capitalization, but if I were you I would make 2 paragraphs about it.
DeleteThe Barbarian Dog By Alivia B
ReplyDeleteOne day I was walking home from volleyball practice and saw that the lights were on but no one was home. They were out to eat. I went inside and saw a sword in the ceiling and Toot's crate was empty and unlocked. I got scared!
I went upstairs and saw that my brother's Halloween costume was missing. I looked around the room, there were claw marks everywhere but my room was fine. Toots must be angry with my brother. I went downstairs and dog food was everywhere! I looked downstairs but there were no claw marks.
I went outside and saw 100 holes in the ground and in the pool. I kept falling in them. I got ten cuts in ten minutes, it hurt! I found Toots all dressed up and digging holes. I could not be mad at him, he was so cute. I put him in his crate and started on my work.
Thank you Alivia I like how it was very detailed. Maybe next time you can put a space between each paragraph it might make it easier to tell where one paragraph starts and ends.
DeleteI think that the dog idea is a good idea, and I like how you structured your story, but if I were you I would maybe just add a few paragraphs.
DeleteHi Alivia this is Daniela I like that you put exclamation points because it made the story more interesting and exciting. Also I like you described where you were coming home from by saying coming home from volleyball not just coming home. But when you said "They were out to eat" who is they also if I were you I would say who Toot's is.
DeleteThis is Israel
DeleteI like how you were very descriptive.
But you could probably tell us a little more about you dog.
The Sword
ReplyDeleteby Cody K
It is a normal day I am coming home from a crazy party and my front door is wide open, all my lights are on and there's a sword in the ceiling. In my room there's rats everywhere. I looked though my window to see my backyard and there's twelve holes dug in my backyard.
I go to see the backyard my self. All twelve holes are still there but tornadoes are coming out of them. I was so scared I ran, but when the tornado hit my house nothing happened. After a little while it got really weird so I took some rats from my room and put them in the holes.
I got used to it so I went to bed and took a nap. In the morning everything was normal but the SWORD I was so confused. so I tried to pull it and it came right out and the blade was orange. I took the orange blade and tried to chop down all the trees in my backyard but the sword was rubber and every time I hit the tree it hit me in the head. After that I threw it and hit the neighbor in the head. He got mad and started whacking me with it, so I took the sword from him and started whacking him with it. At the end we chopped the sword with a knife.
I like it when you said there are tornados coming out of the twelve holes and then you put the rats that were in your house in the holes. Steven H.
DeleteI like how you added in your neighbor was whacking you in the head then you took it from him and started whacking him with the sword.
DeleteYou could be more descriptive about the sword t the end of the like your neighbor started whacking you in the head with the bright orange sword then you took the sword away from him then you started whacking him with the bright orange sword. Steven H.
This is Israel
DeleteI like it when you said,"and after that I threw it and it hit the neighbors head"
But you can say,"at the end we chopped it with a REAL sword".
Sword in the ceiling
ReplyDeleteBy: Briann Gagnon
I was coming home from cross-country practice and saw that the door was wide open. I ran inside and all the lights were on. I got out my phone and was going to call 911, but then I saw this green, glowing thingy. I was so scared that I dropped my phone and ran to the kitchen.
When I went to the kitchen, I saw a SWORD IN THE CEILING!!! I freaked out. Then I saw the green, glowing thingy again. It looked like an alien. I stayed there and the alien said, “Can you get my sword, so I can go back to my planet, Pluto?” I said nothing. We just stared at each other. Then I finally said, “Who are you? Are you real?”
I ran to the backyard and saw that there were holes. I was done with this alien!!! I went to the shed and got out a ladder. I got the alien his sword and he disappeared. I woke up and realized that it all was just a dream.
I like how you said that you saw a green glowing object. I also like how you said that the alien is from Pluto. I think you can come up with a better title though and say like how many holes.
DeleteThe sumo purple Mohawk and clown shoes Taylor Swift lover spaceman
ReplyDeleteBy Heba .H
I was just at my friend’s house .It was time to go to my house and I found my door open and all of my lights were on. So, I said to myself “that is not the weirdest thing that happened today”. I went to go jump on my trampoline and then “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh’ my trampoline is gone and are holes all over the ground!!!!!!!!
Then I check upstairs and everything was normal until I check my bedroom dun dun dun .My bed is neat my couch is what? And there I saw a skinny guy with a sumo costume on and a purple Mohawk and clown shoes. He was wearing a “I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT shirt. So basically he looked like a one man band.
I was going to ask the sumo to go but he still had not noticed me. I wondered what he was doing. He was staring at the ceiling and then 5, 4,3,2,1 blast off there goes the weird sumo dude. I have all was wondered where he was going .Five mounts later he came back and told me he was Taylor Swift .Then I said “OH POOPY”why can’t you be Megan trainer I like her more than Taylor Swift . He left depressed and sad.5 seconds later he coms right through the the door with his friends invisible brad, invisible Stacy, and invisible frank. Then I said where your friends then he said right here . I am like oh well NOW GO!!!!!
Hi Heba nice job I like your descriptive title but maybe next time you should separate the paragraphs.
DeleteDear Heba,
DeleteI like how you had dialog in your story. I also like how you had different characters during the story like Taylor Swift and Megan Trainer. I think you should do a grammar check because I noticed that you forgot to capitalize some of the names.
from: Livie
Dear,Heba I like how you were very creative with your title. I also like how used some dialog. Maybe next time you can wright came instead of coms. -Delani D.
DeleteI like how you put dialog in your story.
DeleteI liked your story but you maybe could add maybe more things that you saw missing.
DeleteYoda In The Ceiling
ReplyDeleteBy Holden T.
My name is Holden I was walking home from school with my friends. When I got home my front door was open and all of my lights were on. When I walked around I found a huge green sword stuck in my ceiling. I found a ladder in my garage and climbed up the ladder and tried to pull the huge green sword out of my ceiling but it wouldn’t budge.
After I gave up on pulling the huge green sword out of my ceiling I watched seven episodes of Spongebob. Then I decided to go outside and ride my new BMX bike. When I was riding around I made a ramp to jump my bike on. After a while I got tired of riding my new bike and went to my back yard. I was shocked to see two-thousand holes in the ground.
When I saw all of those holes in the ground I dropped my bike and ran inside. When I ran inside I locked all of the doors and watched some more Spongebob. A few hours later my older brother came home from his friend’s house and he thought that I put the huge green sword in the ceiling and dug the two-thousand holes in the back yard. He wouldn’t believe that I came home and found all of those odd things. My brother picked up the phone to call my mom to tell her that I wrecked the yard. Before my mom could pick up the phone the huge green sword began to glow and my brother hung up the phone. He believed me now.
The glow of the sword got so bright we couldn’t see a thing but we could hear our dogs barking. Then the sword got really bright and exploded and Yoda from Star Wars came out of the ceiling. Then Storm troopers came out of the holes in the backyard and Darth Vader came out of the middle hole. Then Yoda and Darth Vader started fighting and whenever their swords hit each other skittles flew out of them. I quickly ran to the kitchen to grab a bowl to scoop up all of the skittles. Then I woke up chewing on a pillow watching Spongebob.
Hi Holden, this is Kaisha, I love that when Yoda and Dark Vader hit with light swords, skittles flew put of them. I also like when you woke up chewing on your pillow watching SpongeBob. Maybe you can describe what kind of bowl you grab.
DeleteThe Rainbow Sword By:Jillian K.
ReplyDeleteOne day as I was getting hoe from Starbucks I walked up to my house to see the door wide open and a rainbow sword in the ceiling. I was embaresed to come home to such a mess. Then hoping to make the day better I go into my backyard to see thousands of holes in my backyard witch just made the day worse.
Now I am mad I ran stomping my feet to the couch to watch some TV. So I get to the couch and I sit there angry to watch about 12 shows. After my 12 shoes I was not as mad so I got up to get a snack. Now there are no snacks! K, now I am mad again so I go sit down. Then the TV turns off and I scream I am done! SO I go to get my phone but if is dead.I can not take it.
I now go to my room to take a nap. I open the door to see a random lady in my bed with a purple body, green hair, and my clothes on. That was it I grabbed her phone called the cops and she was gone in the next ten minutes. The cops made her clean my house, repair the ceiling, fill the holes, and replace my food. Then she was gone and no one ever heard from her again.
Hello Jilly, I liked how you were descriptive like when you said "a rainbow sword" instead of just a sword.But I noticed that you spelled shows like shoes. I don't know if you saw but you said witch instead of which
DeleteI love how you described the lady on your bed!!!
DeleteI like how you described how you were running and I think it so funny that the purple lady was wearing your clothes does she even fit in your clothes and you misspelled the word home do not forget to use spellcheck
DeleteHi Jilly, this is Kaisha, I love how you said you was getting home from Starbucks. I also like that you scream when you TV turned off. But maybe you can spell heo, home.
DeleteA Sword ? by Kassia S.
ReplyDeleteI have just come from a shopping spree to the grocery store to Swan lake to come home and see my front door wide open and a million holes in my backyard. After I looked outside, I noticed in the of my room there was a sword stuck in the ceiling. I tried to pull it out to see the name on it. But then I remembered what had happened to King Arthur. So, I don't care if I become a queen or not, I need to see that name on the sword.
One, two, three I pulled and the sword came out. Okay, let's see the name. The sword says " Property of Princess Faith of the Round table". Maybe she's the owner if the sword. Let's go look outside to find clues. Ah, look, a note. It says "Hello, finder of the note, do not return the sword to Princess Faith, she is a mean ruler". I don't care if Princess Faith is mean, I'm going to be nice & give the sword back."
"Hey Sis," "Oh hey." You do know you have a groundhog infestation." "Okay, so that explains the holes." "But what about the sword?" " Oh, Sis you just got pranked." "But what about the name on the sword?" "Just wait a minute." "So the sword and the note were fake?" "Yep, you sure bet, Sis." "Sis look behind you." "It's Princess Faith of the Round table." "I do not like what you're saying about me." "Ah. I see you found my sword." "Thank you, I must now leave to go to my kingdom."
The Dragon sword in the ceiling By Steven H.
ReplyDeleteI was at school and when I got home my door was broken down there was a Dragon sword in the ceiling and my microwave was popping popcorn for 5 hours!
I went outside and there was 5000 holes filed with worms. All of the trees were upside down on a cloud. My dog was flying around in a airplane. My chicken was in the ground laying 25,000 eggs!
When I went upstairs the stairs were broken and under them was a Blackhole that nearly sucked me in. I made it upstairs and I saw Rees jumping on my bed like it was his house. Then Rees grabbed my pillows and teleported away from me into a diffrent galaxy.
Hi its Arthur I like how yours was really funny. I like how you described the sword. you need to be more descriptive like what do the eggs look like, are they golden eggs?
DeletePart Three of the Mystery By: Natalie G.
ReplyDeleteSince the Knight knows where Natalie went, he decided to have a party! He invited all of his friends and wanted to get snacks. His friends will arrive at Five o'clock, it was only three-thirty. So he got everything set up and ready to party, then the guest arrived so they started partying for three hours. The Knight had a sword to hit the pinata, he didn't know where the pinata is so he threw it on the ceiling. The Knight woke up and he said "I got to check the computer", It was the 50th day so he cleaned up and tried to get the sword from the ceiling, he couldn't. That day Natalie came back, the knight went through the slide glass door. Natalie notice the sword in the ceiling, the lights were on and the door was open Natalie told the cops.
Hi Natalie good job doing it in 3rd person and it is also neat and organized but I think next time all the parts should be in one comment.
DeleteDear Natalie, I like how you where very descriptive. I also like how I could see the Knight partying with his friends. Maybe next time you can make it one big post instead of two posts. -Delani D.
DeleteHOOK'S RETURN
ReplyDeleteBy:Michael E.
I just got home from school,but the front door is wide open. All my lights are on. And there's a sword in the ceiling. The rest of my house looks normal but I notice several holes in my backyard.
I went to explore the upstairs but was stopped in my tracks as I saw scratches on the wall. I ran down stairs to the backyard. I went to look at the holes, I looked for a shovel or something. I found a shovel in the biggest hole with a treasure map, it read: "James Hook Captain of the Jolly Roger."
Fear struck me right in the gut. I grabbed a ladder to get the sword and sure enough it said "James Hook". The scratch marks on the wall were from his hook! I looked up at the sky< what I saw froze me...
THE JOLLY ROGER Hooks ship. I hoped for Peter Pan but he never came. So i got the sword and was ready to fight. after a while of swift sword fighting he retreated and left. I guess I was to good for him. I never heard from him again. UNTIL NOW...
I like how you used a fairytale in your story for the entire time as you made your story. But you could make your story more descriptive like the cat marks on the wall. Steven H.
DeleteHi this is Breezy. I like that you put "THE JOLLY ROGERS Hooks ship" in your story. I also like that you put that "I stopped in my tracks". I thing that I noticed was that you did not do a capitals the I.-Breezy
DeleteI like how you left a cliffhanger right at the end of the story and how you made it like it had a exclamation point at the end of the story.
DeleteI ment to put Steven H. at the end sorry. ):
DeleteTHE BLACK SWORD
ReplyDeleteOne day I was riding home on my scooter. I rode onto the drive way and both garages were open. The laundry and garage doors were open. I was like, "what is going on?". I might get yelled at badly. I went to the laundry door and next thing you know there is a black sword in my step dads ceiling. And at that point, I realized, I am in so much trouble. I was so scared my brother was home at least I thought he was home. I walked in the hallway and I saw my dog eating...a chicken. I was in shock. I went to the kitchen and my brother was talking to a random person. I was going into my backyard and I realized they were putting holes in my step dads backyard and I counted how many holes there were fifty six holes. Then I finally realized they were digging out the pool. Then I went to go talk to my brother and I asked why there was a sword in the ceiling. He said I don't know well thats what he always said so I pulled the sword out of the ceiling with a stepping stool and with my brothers help and every thing stopped. It went back to normal I was relieved because I would not get in trouble so I stayed the night at my friends house. THE END
He-dog! By:Israel T.
ReplyDeleteOnce I was walking home from school. When I got back home,I saw He-dog on a couch,and he was eating my pop-tarts! I yelled at him saying,"what are you doing!" He said,"getting a snack before I get the sword". I gasped and ran everywhere until I found it in my room. When I walked up to it,I notice that there were 150 holes in my backyard. I checked my security cameras and found out that,"no not Bill nye the science guy!",I tugged on the sword until it came out,and it was a light-saber! I walked down a He-dog said,"my light-saber"! He was so surprised when i dragged down his light-saber with my hands. He said,"you have the" I interrupted saying,"the force"! He said,"even better the schwartz"! Then when all could get better I woke up. I said,"Sahara what are you doing"? She said,"fixing your phone with a sledge-hammer". I said,"oh,ok wait what"!?
Hi Natalie I like how you said the day and time also I like how you said "There he is the knight" because at the beginning there was a little mystery.But I would put it in 1 posting not 2 or 3. Also I wouldn't say read more in the body paragraph because I know to read the body paragraph because it is in the posting.
ReplyDelete-Daniela out
Excalibur in my ceiling
ReplyDeleteBy:Arthur
After I came home from school, my door broken down. There were arrows all over my stairs! Also Excalibur was in my ceiling in my room.. Plus over 9,000 holes in my backyard! A catapult in my parents bedroom.
Last a knight on my couch watching king Arthur. My cats were so scared they attached there claws to the ceiling. I grabbed a ladder and tried to pull Excalibur out. I did but I hit my back. Then three pidgins came out of nowhere and a light shined on me.
I went to my kitchen for a snack, but all I saw was medevil food. so I just grabbed some chicken. Then the knight said "Hail the new king". Next he said "let me take you to the castle". Last I woke up, it was all a dream it would be cool to be king, but no.